quotes blog

Every women needs at least 4 animals. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass that pays for everything. - Paris Hilton

I guess one of the funniest memories of my grandfather was the time I was at his house and that tied-up man with the gag in his mouth came hopping out of the closet and started yelling that HE was really my grandfather and the other guy was an imposter and to run for help. Who was that guy Oh, well, never saw HIM again. - Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

The knowledge of the world is only to be acquired in the world, and not in a closet. - Lord Chesterfield, Letters to His Son, 1746, published 1774

The case has, in some respects, been not entirely devoid of interest. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, (Sherlock Holmes) A Case of Identity, 1892

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

From one Soul of the Universe are all Souls derived. . .Of these Souls there are many changes, some into a more fortunate estate, and some quite contrary. . .Not all human souls but only the pious ones are divine. Once separated from the body, and after the struggle to acquire piety, which consists in knowing God and injuring none, such a soul becomes all intelligence. The impious soul, however, punishes itself by seeking a human body to enter into, for no other body can receive a human soul it cannot enter the body of an animal devoid of reason. Divine law preserves the human soul from such infamy. . .The soul passeth from form to form and the mansions of her pilgrimage are manifold. Thou puttest off thy bodies as raiment and as vesture dost thou fold them up. Thou art from old, O Soul of Man yea, thou art from everlasting. - Hermes

A large section of the intelligentsia seems wholly devoid of intelligence. - G.K. Chesterton

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead. - James Thurber, New Yorker, Feb. 18, 1939 “The Shrike and the Chipmunks”

There is nothing like a coup de foudre and absorption in family responsibility for maturing the male and pulling his scattered wits together. - Sir V Pritchett

The preservation of life seems to be rather a slogan than a genuine goal of the anti-abortion forces what they want is control. Control over behavior power over women. Women in the anti-choice movement want to share in male power over women, and do so by denying their own womanhood, their own rights and responsibilities. - Ursula K. LeGuin

Marriage is the union of disparate elements. Male and female. Yin and yang. Proton and electron. What are we talking about here Nothing less than the very tension that binds the universe. You see, when we look at marriage, people, we’re are looking at creation itself. I am the sky, says the Hindu bridegroom to the bride. You are the earth. We are sky and earth united…. You are my husband. You are my wife. My feet shall run because of you. My feet shall dance because of you. My heart shall beat because of you. My eyes see because of you. My mind thinks because of you and I shall love because of you. - Andrew Schneider

Funny business, a woman’s career the things you drop on the way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you’ll need them again when you get back to being a woman. It’s one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not being a woman. Sooner or later, we’ve got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we’ve had or wanted. - Joseph L. Mankiewicz

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. - Erma Bombeck

On Fathers Day, we again wish you all happy birthday. - Ralph Kiner

Personally I think birthdays and anniversaries are like menstrual cramps, a regular pain in the ass thats somehow connected to birth. - Hugh Elliott

How many observe Christ’s birthday How few, his precepts O ’tis easier to keep holidays than commandments. - Benjamin Franklin

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Herschel Glenn, Jr.

The preservation of the sacred fire of liberty and the destiny of the republican model of government are justly considered … deeply … finally, staked on the experiment entrusted to the hands of the American people. - George Washington

Talent finds its models, methods, and ends in society, exists for exhibition, and goes to the soul only for power to work. Genius is its own end, and draws its means and the style of its architecture from within. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Method of Nature (1841)

The sciences do not try to explain, they hardly even try to interpret, they mainly make models. By a model is meant a mathematical construct which, with the addition of certain verbal interpretations, describes observed phenomena. The justification of such a mathematical construct is solely and precisely that it is expected to work. - John Von Neumann

It is an error to imagine that evolution signifies a constant tendency to increased perfection. That process undoubtedly involves a constant remodelling of the organism in adaptation to new conditions but it depends on the nature of those conditions whether the directions of the modifications effected shall be upward or downward. - Thomas Huxley

Children need models more than they need critics. - Jeseph Joubert

The distance between the present system and our proposal is like comparing the distance between a Model T and the space shuttle. And I should know I’ve seen both. - Ronald Reagan

Imagination has brought mankind through the dark ages to its present state of civilization. Imagination led Columbus to discover America. Imagination led Franklin to discover electricity. Imagination has given us the steam engine, the telephone, the talking-machine, and the automobile, for these things had to be dreamed of before they became realities. So I believe that dreams–daydreams, you know, with your eyes wide open and your brain machinery whizzing–are likely to lead to the betterment of the world. The imaginative child will become the imaginative man or woman most apt to invent, and therefore to foster, civilization. - L. Frank Baum

There are powers inside of you, if you could discover and use, would make of you everything you ever dreamed or imagined you could become. - Orison Swett Marden

For glory gives herself only to those who have always dreamed of her. - Charles de Gaulle

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. - Tommy Cooper

I slept and dreamed that life was beauty.I awoke — and found that life was duty. - Ellen Stugis Hooper

I walked beside the evening sea And dreamed a dream that could not be The waves that plunged along the shore Said only Dreamer, dream no more - George William Curtis

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. - Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

His priority did not seem to be to teach them what he knew, but rather to impress upon them that nothing, not even… knowledge, was foolproof. - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. - Douglas Adams, “Mostly Harmless”

Where the speech is corrupted, the mind is also. - Seneca

For if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them. - Sir Thomas More, Utopia, Book 1

There was never anything by the wit of man so well devised, or so sure established, which in continuance of time hath not been corrupted. - Book of Common Prayer

We may live without her, and worship without her, but we cannot remember without her. How cold is all history, how lifeless all imagery, compared to that which the living nation writes, and the uncorrupted marble bears - John Ruskin

Tis the most certain sign, the world’s accurst. That the best things corrupted are the worst. - Sir John Denham

Goodness, armed with power, is corrupted and pure love without power is destroyed. - Reinhold Niebuhr

Peter Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door–that way Lumbergh can’t see me, heh–after that I sorta space out for an hour. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. - Office Space

The brown bag, of course, had its imperfections. While some kids carried roast beef sandwiches, others had peanut butter. I have no way of knowing if all of those brown bags contained ‘nutritionally adequate diets.’ But I do know that those brown bags and those lunch pails symbolized parental love and responsibility. - Charles Mathias, Jr.

A free lunch is only found in mousetraps. - John Capozzi

I cannot help but wonder whether, by continuing and expanding the school lunch program, we aren’t witnessing, if not encouraging, the slow demise of yet another American tradition the brown bag. … Perhaps we are beholding yet another break in the chain that links child to home. - Charles Mathias, Jr.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. - W. C. Fields

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

The prospect of success in achieving our most cherished dream is not without its terrors. Who is more deprived and alone than the man who has achieved his dream - Brendan Francis

All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did. - T. E. Lawrence, The Seven Pillars of Wisdom.

Dreamers can find their way by moonlight and their only punishment is that they see the dawn before the rest of the world. - Oscar Wilde

I confess I do not know why, but looking at the stars always makes me dream. - Vincent Van Gogh

If you’ve broken the eggs, you should make the omelette. - Sir Robert Anthony Eden

Never stand begging for that which you have the power to earn. - Miguel de Cervantes

Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold — but so does a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

Let the minor genius go his light way and enjoy his life - the great nature cannot so live, he is never really in holiday mood, even though he often plucks flowers by the wayside and ties them into knots and garlands like little children and lays out on a sunny morning. - W. B. Yeats

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk And after you’re real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lie down and go to sleep. - Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition. - William Arthur Ward

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. - Mark Twain

Let the minor genius go his light way and enjoy his life - the great nature cannot so live, he is never really in holiday mood, even though he often plucks flowers by the wayside and ties them into knots and garlands like little children and lays out on a sunny morning. - W. B. Yeats

Time cools, time clarifies no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. - Mark Twain

I don’t wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work. - Pearl Sydenstricker Buck

Give me one friend, just one, who meets The needs of all my varying moods. - Esther M. Clark

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward. - Henry Ford

Of all the griefs that harass the distrest, Sure the most bitter is a scornful jest. - Samuel Johnson

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. - Sophocles, Oedipus Rex

Of all the griefs that harass the distrest,
Sure the most bitter is a scornful jest. - Samuel Johnson

It is very difficult to be wholly joyous or wholly sad on this earth. The comic, when it is human, soon takes upon itself a face of pain and some of our griefs . . . have their source in weaknesses which must be recognized with smiling compassion as the common inheritance of us all. - Miguel de Cervantes

Wisdom comes with winters. - Oscar Wildedmissions literature at Colby College.

And for the season it was winter, and they that know the winters of that country know them to be sharp and violent, and subject to cruel and fierce storms. - William Bradford, Of Plymouth Plantation

There are two modes of establishing our reputation to be praised by honest men, and to be abused by rogues. It is best, however, to secure the former, because it will invariably be accompanied by the latter. - Charles Caleb Colton

It is not in giving life but in risking life that man is raised above the animal; that is why superiority has been accorded in humanity not to the sex that brings forth but to that which kills. - Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1950)

Virtue is praised but hated. People run away from it, for it is ice-cold and in this world you must keep your feet warm. - Denis Diderot

What seest thou else
In the dark backward and abysm of time? - William Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act 1 Scene 2

Ginger Rodgers did everything Fred Astair did, but she did it backwards and in high heels. - Faith Whittlesey

No matter how long we exist, we have our memories. Points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of ther beauty or their splendor. Rather they remain as hard as gems. - Anne Rice, “Blood and Gold”

So different are the colours of life, as we look forward to the future, or backward to the past and so different the opinions and sentiments which this contrariety of appearance naturally produces, that the conversation of the old and young ends generally with contempt or pity on either side. - Victor Hugo

Wear a smile and have friends,
wear a scowl and have wrinkles. - George Eliot

Ricky See thats what I’m talking about bobby, first class. You’ve got to get used to this my man, you deserve it. Hey ladies, you missed out on staying at the SoHo Grand on this trip you know what I mean. Listen, I’d offer you a ride in my limo, but I got to stretch my shit out. I’m a tall drink of water, don’t want to wrinkle anything. - Made

You may search my time-worn face, You’ll find a merry eye that twinkles I am NOT an old lady Just a little girl with wrinkles. - Edythe E. Bregnard

When you’re 50 you start thinking about things you haven’t thought about before. I used to think getting old was about vanity-but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. - Joyce Carol Oates

I promise to keep on living as though I expected to live forever. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. - Mark Twain

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. - Mark Twain, What Is Man? (1906)

The scars you acquire by exercising courage, Will never make you feel inferior. - D. A. Battista

Never let your inferiors do you a favor - it will be extremely costly. - H. L. Mencken

What I want to fix your attention on is the vast overall movement towards the discrediting, and finally the elimination, of every kind of human excellence — moral, cultural, social or intellectual. And is it not pretty to notice how ‘democracy’ (in the incantatory sense) is now doing for us the work that was once done by the most ancient dictatorships, and by the same methods The basic proposal of the new education is to be that dunces and idlers must not be made to feel inferior to intelligent and industrious pupils. That would be ‘undemocratic.’ Children who are fit to proceed may be artificially kept back, because the others would get a trauma by being left behind. The bright pupil thus remains democratically fettered to his own age group throughout his school career, and a boy who would be capable of tackling Aeschylus or Dante sits listening to his coeval’s attempts to spell out A CAT SAT ON A MAT. We may reasonably hope for the virtual abolition of education when ‘I’m as good as you’ has fully had its way. All incentives to learn and all penalties for not learning will vanish. The few who might want to learn will be prevented who are they to overtop their fellows And anyway, the teachers — or should I say nurses — will be far too busy reassuring the dunces and patting them on the back to waste any time on real teaching. We shall no longer have to plan and toil to spread imperturbable conceit and incurable ignorance among men. - Clive Staples Lewis

The educating of the parents is really the education of the child children tend to live what is unlived in the parents, so it is vital that parents should be aware of their inferior, their dark side, and should press on getting to know themselves. - Laurens Van der Post

All men love peace in their armchairs after dinner but they disbelieve the other nations’s professions, rightly measuring its sincerity by their own. - Oscar W. Firkins

If you’re at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, ‘Boy, these are good cigars’ - Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Family dinners are more often than not an ordeal of nervous indigestion, preceded by hidden resentment and ennui and accompanied by psychosomatic jitters. - M. F. K. Fisher

Laurie got offended that I used the word ‘puke.’ But to me, that’s what her dinner tasted like. - Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse. - Jules Renard

Home is the wallpaper above the bed, the family dinner table, the church bells in the morning, the bruised shins of the playground, the small fears that come with dusk, the streets and squares and monuments and shops that constitute one’s first universe. - Henry Anatole Grunwald

Courage is an everyday thing. When we look reality squarely in the eye and refuse to back away from our awareness, we are living courage. - Unknown

If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high. Look it squarely in the eye, and say, I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me. - Ann Landers

Your chances of success are directly proportional to the degree of pleasure you desire from what you do. If you are in a job you hate, face the fact squarely and get out. - Michael Korda

It is not enough to offer a smorgasbord of courses. We must insure that students are not just eating at one end of the table. - A Bartlett Giamatti

The tipping custom originated in England when small sums were dropped into a box marked T.I.P.S. –TO INSURE PROMPT SERVICE. - Author Unknown, (apocryphal)

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. - George Bernard Shaw

Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen. - Roger Zelazny

It is really the undergraduate who makes a university, gives it its lasting character, smell, feel, quality, tradition … whose presence creates it and whose memories preserve it. - Sen O’Faolin

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the unlimitable superior who reveals Himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds. That deeply emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible universe, forms my idea of God - Albert Einstein

It is suggested that, in domestic violence at least, the presence or absence of a firearm, or of any other type of weapon, is of far less importance to the outcome than the passion generated in the attacker. The man who has lost control will cause serious injuries in many cases, quite irrespective of the weapon he uses and regardless of the certainty of detection and punishment. - Colin Greenwood

Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses. - Margaret Millar

Man is a wonderful creature; he sees through the layers of fat (eyes), hears through a bone (ears) and speaks through a lump of flesh (tongue). - Hazrat Ali Ibn-e-Abi Talib, Nahj-ul-Balagha (Sermons and sayings Compilation)

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones. - William Shakespeare, “Julius Caesar”, Act 3 scene 2

At my age the bones are water in the morning until food is given them. - Pearl Buck

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you You’d be wrong though. It’s Hambone. - Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief to the old they are a comfort and aid in their weakness, and those in the prime of life they incite to noble deeds. - Aristotle

Great minds have purposes, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them. - Washington Irving

It is the action of an uninstructed person to reproach others for his own misfortune; of one entering instruction, to reproach himself; and one perfectly instructed, to reproach neither others nor himself. - Epictetus, Enchiridion

Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed. - Elbert Hubbard

Plant a kernel of wheat and you reap a pint; plant a pint and you reap a bushel. Always the law works to give you back more than you give. - Anthony Norvell

Editor: a person employed on a newspaper whose business it is to seperate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed. - Elbert Hubbard

Newpaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then print the chaff. - Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

Indeed, the Founders mentioned the pagan authors in so many heartfelt speeches, pamphlets and letters that today’s sweeping references to America’s ‘Christian’ roots and ‘Judeo-Christian heritage’ ought to be amended. Maybe these terms should be reserved to explain the traditional religions and morality of individuals, families, congregations, small communitities. Politically, our notions of virtue and vice have had another genesis. - Colin Campbell

I am convinced that the world is not a mere bog in which men and women trample themselves in the mire and die. Something magnificent is taking place here amid the cruelties and tragedies, and the supreme challenge to intelligence is that of making the noblest and best in our curious heritage prevail. - Charles A. Beard

Indignation boils my blood at the thought of the heritage we are throwing away; at the thought that, with few exceptions, the fight for freedom is left to the poor, forlorn and defenseless, and to the few radicals and revolutionaries who would make use of liberty to destroy, rather than to maintain, American institutions. - Arthur Garfield Hays

To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to seat over lonely labor, to be given the chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy. As everyone else, I love to dunk my crust in it. But alone, it is not a diet designed to keep body and soul together. - Bette Davis

I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He’d get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn’t have the right answers, mister, you’d be peeling potatoes or changing the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn’t in the army. Then who WAS that guy - Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Public and private food in America has become eatable, here and there extremely good. Only the fried potatoes go unchanged, as deadly as before. - Luigi Barzini

Talk of joy there may be things better than beef stew and baked potatoes and home-made bread — there may be. - David Grayson

Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes. - Louisa May Alcott

I was raised almost entirely on turnips and potatoes, but I think that the turnips had more to do with the effect than the potatoes. - Marlene Dietrich

Correction does much, but encouragement does more. - Johann von Goethe

Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error that provoked it. - Alvin Toffler

He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. - Proverbs 1532 Bible

Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real. - Tupac Shakur

Dreams are real while they last. Can we say more of life - Henry Havelock Ellis

Peace can be reached through meditation on the knowledge which dreams give. Peace can also be reached through concentration upon that which is dearest to the heart. - Patanjali